Have you ever thought to yourself, I’m an adult, I can drink if I want to? I would often have this thought after a long day when I felt boxed in by all the rules I made for myself around my drinking, and when I was tired of being the responsible one all the time. And I’ll tell you, I loved drinking in these moments. It felt decisive and confident and a little bit rebellious. It felt like I was reclaiming my freedom by pouring that drink.

This is episode 447, and I’m giving you ideas for how to respond in this moment when you’re telling yourself you’re allowed to drink because you’re an adult.

Whether you want to drink less or stop drinking, this podcast will help you change the habit from the inside out. We’re challenging conventional wisdom about why people drink and why it can be hard to resist temptation. No labels, no judgment, just practical tools to take control of your desire and stop worrying about your drinking. Now, here’s your host, Rachel Hart.

Hey everybody, welcome back. This is another thought swap episode, and we’re talking about a really common excuse that can sound really reasonable on the surface. The excuse is, I’m an adult, I can drink if I want to, or simply, I’m an adult, I can do what I want to.

I will tell you that this excuse can feel really hard to challenge in the moment because it’s all technically true. You are an adult. You can do what you want to do. You can drink if you want to. The argument that you’re making in this moment, it really isn’t about logic. It’s about identity, autonomy, and agency, and that’s what we’re really going to unpack today.

It can also be the desire to rebel a little bit and say F you to the world and to your responsibilities and to anything and everything that feels oppressive in your life. For so many of us, pouring a drink feels like a remarkably powerful symbol of defiance.

And if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense because so many of us, myself included, started experimenting with alcohol before you were legally able to drink. Underage drinking has long been a hallmark of teenagers pushing back against authority. It’s a way of saying, hey, you don’t get to control me, I decide, I’m in charge. Certainly, that was true for me.

But what’s so interesting, I think, is that for many people, even long after they are well past the legal age, alcohol still carries that old thrill of being bad, of breaking the rules, even when you’re legally able to drink. And sometimes the rules that you’re so intent on breaking are the ones that you created for yourself. You’re breaking the rules that you yourself put in place.

So if this excuse shows up for you, if it is part of your patterns around drinking, I want you to use this episode to really help you zoom out. And by the way, I will add that this excuse, it often comes up with both the Release and the Reward archetypes. So that’s when you’re using a drink as a way to either forget about all the pressure that you’re under or as a treat for working hard, or maybe a treat because you’re always putting yourself last.

If you want to learn more about the eight drink archetypes, you can take the free quiz at FindYourDrinkType.com. But just know that it really does show up most often with the release and the reward. So when you zoom out, here’s what you need to ask yourself.

Are there parts of my life right now where I’m feeling trapped? Are there situations where I feel powerless? Are there places where I feel like I’m suffocating under the expectations of who I’m supposed to be? Because when this excuse shows up, it’s often a clue that your brain is trying to recapture feeling like you’re the one calling the shots in your life.

The drink really isn’t the point. In many ways, the drink is merely a protest sign. Maybe you’re rebelling against work demands that are just too much, or family dynamics where you’re always making concessions and you always seem to come last. Maybe you’re rebelling against a mental load that never ends, or maybe you’re rebelling against a version of yourself that you feel required to perform for everyone around you.

It might also be, like I said, that you’re rebelling against strict standards that you have put in place for yourself. I watch as this shows up for so many people. So many people will say, no, no, no, there’s nothing in my life that I’m rebelling against. And then we’ll talk about how their life is structured. And what I will start to see are all these very strict rules around food and exercise and productivity. And it’s funny because many times people won’t even have the recognition that this feels restrictive because they’ll say to me, well, I just want to be productive or I just want to be healthy.

But maybe there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to be so regimented all of the time. And that’s where this excuse can start to show up. But whatever your particular answer is, when you zoom out, when you identify what else is going on beyond just the desire to have the drink, that’s what really matters. Because it helps put your desire in a different perspective. Instead of, I just want to drink because I’m an adult and I can and no one can stop me, it becomes, I want that drink right now because I’m feeling boxed in.

And that will start a very different conversation with yourself and will help you have a very different understanding of your desire rather than I just want the drink because I want it. This really is the key insight, that pouring a drink in these moments, it’s not an act of defiance, it is a distraction. And it can feel like freedom. It often felt like freedom for me in those moments. But it was just a way of temporarily trying to push back against all the places in my life where I felt like I didn’t have enough choice or power, where I felt like I didn’t have enough say.

So let’s talk about how you can challenge this excuse when it pops up. I’m going to give you three ideas for how you can start kind of questioning and poking holes in this belief. And just remember, you’re going to want to play with this and figure out what feels kind of believable for you. And feel free to change it. You don’t have to exactly use it or use my words as I say them.

So swap number one is when you think to yourself, I’m an adult, I can do what I want, ask yourself, if I need a drink to prove that I’m in charge, then who’s really in charge?

When I started looking at it that way, it really gave me pause. Just asking that question in the moment. If I need a drink to prove that I’m in charge, then who’s really in charge? Just that pause and considering that can be enough for you to step back and say like, wait a minute, what’s going on here?

Swap number two. Real power in my life isn’t, I’ll show them. It’s, I choose me. Now, again, this is something that really would pop up for me. I would be saying, I’m an adult, I can drink if I want to, but so often a lot of that energy behind that thought, it was externally focused. It was me attempting to push back against someone in my life. And when you notice yourself doing that, when you notice that your attention is external, you start to understand where the problem actually lies.

Because what really needs to matter is not what they think, but what I think. Not what they want, but what I want. Not who someone else wants me to be, but who I am. If you’re drinking as a way essentially to give somebody the finger, you’re essentially signaling that whoever that person is, whoever you have in mind when you’re thinking, I’ll show them, you’re essentially signaling that is the person who holds the power in your life and ignoring the power that you possess. So think about that swap. Real power in my life isn’t I’ll show them. It’s I choose me.

Finally, swap number three. The idea that drinking proves my authority or my independence or my adulthood is logic leftover from when I was a teenager. I think about it this way. It’s like your brain is reaching for an old strategy that used to represent liberation when you weren’t legally able to drink. But your adult power now isn’t your ability to choose to drink. It’s your ability to be fully responsible for your life.

When you think about it, you don’t have a guardian anymore. You don’t have someone who is responsible for you. You don’t have someone out there who is putting limits on your choices and your freedom. Now, it may feel very much like there is someone doing that. But when you compare what it is truly like to be a child, a teenager versus what it is like to be an adult, you see that there is some leftover logic happening with this excuse. This leftover logic from when you truly weren’t free to drink, whether your parents, the police, bar owners, people who sold alcohol, somebody was saying, no, you’re not allowed to do it. And of course, we figured out ways to do it. I figured out ways to do it. But to just kind of pause for a second and understand that this really is leftover logic from when you were a teenager. It doesn’t apply anymore.

When you’re an adult, you get to choose what actually makes you feel free. You don’t have to perform freedom by drinking alcohol. And of course, the irony here is that the more you drink, the less free that you feel because you feel like you are at the mercy of your cravings.

So if you notice yourself thinking, I’m an adult, I can drink if I want to, I just want you to pause and consider what am I rebelling against right now? You can also try finishing this sentence. So you can say to yourself, I’m not actually mad about saying no to the drink, I’m mad about, and then fill in the blank. Maybe you’re mad that you never get a real break from your life. Maybe you’re mad that you’re carrying too much. Maybe you’re mad that you feel responsible for everyone else’s experience. Maybe you’re mad that you don’t feel seen. Maybe you’re mad that you’re trying so hard all the time to be good enough or to be perfect. But nothing you do ever feels like it’s enough.

How you answer that question is going to be really unique to you, but it’s really important that you try to answer it. Because when you name what’s actually going on, you start to see that pouring a drink is not going to solve what is really beneath your desire. It’s just giving you a temporary feeling of escape or power. But that feeling wears off once the alcohol is out of your system. And when you can see that pattern clearly, you can start asking more empowering questions. What would actual freedom look like for me in this moment rather than just saying F you and pouring the drink?

Maybe it would look like saying no to a craving. Maybe it would be letting the standard drop from perfect to good enough. Maybe it would be claiming 20 minutes that only belong to you. Maybe it’s telling the truth about who you are or what you need. This is the deeper win of learning how to believably talk back and respond to your excuses instead of just telling yourself, no, no, I shouldn’t, now I’m going to feel bad tomorrow. You can actually use them as a stepping stone to understand the habit at a deeper level, to see what archetypes are activated.

The goal isn’t to just be able to white knuckle your way through your cravings. The goal is to challenge and dismantle ultimately the belief that’s fueling the craving. That’s how you actually reclaim your power in a way that not only lasts, but in a way that truly transforms your relationship with alcohol.

So yes, you’re an adult. You can do what you want. But what I want you to remember is that a drink isn’t defiance, it’s a distraction. And when you get curious about what you’re really rebelling against, that’s when you start making real progress.

Now, if you want to learn more about the release or the reward archetypes or any of the eight other drink archetypes, you can take the free quiz at FindYourDrinkType.com. You can also check out the ultimate guide to drinking less where I break down all of the archetypes and give really specific exercises for each one.

All right, that’s it for today. I will see you all next week.

Hey guys, you already know that drinking less has plenty of health benefits. But did you know that the work you do to change your relationship with alcohol will help you become more of the person you want to be in every part of your life?

Learning how to manage your brain and your cravings is an investment in your physical, emotional and personal wellbeing. And that’s exactly what’s waiting for you when you join my membership Take a Break.

Whether you want to drink less, drink rarely, or not at all, we’ll help you figure out a relationship with alcohol that works for you. We’ll show you why rules, drink plans, and Dry January so often fail, and give you the tools you need to feel in control and trust yourself.

So, head on over to RachelHart.com and sign up today, because changing the habit is so much easier when you stop trying to go it alone.