The brain associates alcohol with creating, strengthening, or maintaining emotional bonds.

Drinking is a shared activity with friends, family, and romantic partners. It may make group dynamics easier or more enjoyable.

This archetype commonly appears when drinking feels intertwined with your social activities.

The Connector tends to show up when:

• • Meeting up for drinks is an activity in and of itself.
  • Alcohol is part of the ritual for date night or spending time with certain friends.
  • Coming from—or marrying into—a family where get-togethers revolve around drinking.
  • Alcohol plays a central role in certain group activities or social engagements.
  • You’re a “regular” at a restaurant or a bar.

When The Connector is activated, saying no interferes with your desire to feel close to others, making it hard to abstain or moderate.

“I just wish saying no didn’t feel like such a big deal.”

The specific thoughts, feelings, and actions associated with The Connector create a learned behavior that influences how much and how often you drink.

The Ultimate Guide to Drinking Less outlines what you need to practice thinking, feeling, and doing instead to combat The Connector archetype.

GET THE GUIDE »

The Connector often uses people pleasing to sabotage rules, drink plans, and Dry Januarys.

• • You’re not sure what to suggest as an activity if you’re not meeting up for drinks.
  • Someone says, “There’s no point opening a bottle if you’re not having any.”
  • Spending time with certain people feels awkward if you’re not drinking.
  • You don’t want people to feel uncomfortable because you’re not joining in.
  • You find it easier to accept the drink rather than answer people’s questions.
  • It’s hard to come up with the “right” answer for why you’re not drinking tonight.
  • You find certain people less fun to be around if you’re not drinking.
  • Sometimes it’s easier to just disguise that you’re drinking something non-alcoholic.
  • You’re worried you’ll have to find new friends if you stop drinking.
  • You float the idea of not drinking and hear, “But you don’t have a problem.”
  • Because non-alcoholic drinks are cheaper, you’re worried the waiter or bartender will be annoyed with your order.

Willpower and discipline often fall short because they ignore the subconscious desire behind reaching for a drink.

Learn about The Connector’s deeper desire in The Ultimate Guide to Drinking Less and why it’s the hidden key to success.

GET THE GUIDE »

“When I imagine feeling disconnected it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

If you want to drink less, you have to do more than say “No!” to your cravings. You must dismantle the beliefs associated with The Connector that lead to giving in.

Get the specific exercises for The Connector archetype inside The Ultimate Guide to Drinking Less.

GET THE GUIDE »

Letting go of The Connector will strengthen your relationships.

Here are some of the superpowers waiting to be unlocked:

• • Feeling a deep sense of connection with the people you care about.
  • Feeling like you fit in and belong, regardless of your drink order.
  • Naturally scanning for similarities with others over differences.
  • Confidently choosing what’s best for you rather than what will make others happy.
  • Not giving a second thought if you choose differently from the group.
  • Knowing the relationships and opinions that matter and those that don’t.