Instead of believing that success is all or nothing, what if success was just about becoming more aware of why you’re having the cravings and practicing responding differently in ways different than you normally would?

Whether you want to drink less or stop drinking, this podcast will help you change the habit from the inside out. We’re challenging conventional wisdom about why people drink and why it can be hard to resist temptation. No labels, no judgment, just practical tools to take control of your desire and stop worrying about your drinking. Now, here’s your host, Rachel Hart.

If you’ve started January with a plan about cutting back on your drinking, maybe you told yourself you would do a Dry January, or maybe you just said, I’m going to drink less in the new year. So if you had that plan and it’s already fallen apart, this episode is for you. It is so tempting to decide the moment something doesn’t work that all your plans are ruined. I have done this myself many, many times. In fact, it’s why I struggled with my drinking for so long, because I immediately would go into the spiral of, “Ugh, I blew it. Why can’t I keep my promises? I knew this wasn’t going to work.”

And when you are in that spiral, it’s so easy to just say, screw it, and fall right back into the very same patterns around your drinking that you want to change. So today I want to give you a different way to see these moments and also give you three simple questions you can use to move forward this year instead of just immediately giving up.

So here’s what usually happens. The new year arrives, you have a great plan. Maybe the first couple days you felt really motivated, and then temptation appears. You have a stressful day at work or a fight with your partner, or you feel kind of lonely or bored or awkward when you’re out seeing friends, or maybe you just had this really strong craving that you weren’t expecting. And your brain starts offering thoughts like, “Ugh, I deserve this. It’s just one drink. I’m going to be good tomorrow.”

And if you don’t know how to work with your cravings, what happens is that you treat them like a command and you give in. Now, what I want you to understand is that one moment where you said yes to the craving, that one moment was not the problem. The problem was what happened next. What happened was you decided that every choice you made from here on out doesn’t matter because you, “failed the test.” That, and not giving into the craving, that is what really derails all of your plans, all of your resolutions and makes your motivation fall apart.

So what is the alternative? You can’t go back in time and erase what happened, but you can get curious. The goal is not to punish yourself so that you’ll finally be good. The goal is to get information. And the way to do that is to start asking better questions. Questions like, what was I feeling right before I decided to drink? Not after. What was I feeling before that craving appeared? Was I excited or awkward? Was I feeling bored or stressed, lonely, resentful? What was it? When you name the feeling, you start to see the drink archetypes that are working behind the scenes.

You can also ask yourself a question like, what did I tell myself in the moment that the drink would help with? Maybe you thought, I’ll just be able to better relax, or I will have more fun if I have a drink. Maybe you told yourself you wouldn’t feel as bored or that you would feel more connected to the people that you were with. In that moment, what was the promise that the drink offered? Understanding this piece of the puzzle is the key to figuring out what you’re really chasing.

Finally, you can ask yourself, okay, if I could replay that moment, what’s one tiny thing I’d be willing to try differently? So this isn’t about getting rid of your craving, it’s about figuring out one tiny way that you could respond differently to it. Maybe you would just take a breather. Maybe you’d step into another room. Maybe you’d grab yourself a glass of water or eat some food. Maybe you’d text a friend or maybe you would just say out loud, this is the part of the day where I really want a drink. What’s one tiny change you could make for next time? Again, you’re just trying to reinforce for your brain that you have other options.

Asking these types of questions helps you build awareness instead of immediately telling yourself that you failed the test and, you know, nothing matters now. It also really helps to redefine success. Most people start the new year and decide, okay, if I’m doing Dry January, success means 31 perfect days of no drinks, no giving in, no mistakes. With that definition, one drink is always going to equal failure. One moment of giving in temptation or believing an excuse is always going to equal failure. Or if you’re just trying to cut back on your drinking, maybe you tell yourself that success means never drinking past a certain amount. Again, what that means is any time you go over, that’s failure.

So I want you to play with a new definition instead. Instead of believing that success is all or nothing, what if success was just about becoming more aware of why you’re having the cravings and practicing responding differently in ways different than you normally would? If you have one fewer drink than you usually would, that counts as success. If you wait before pouring another round, that counts as success. If you notice an urge or a craving and you sit with it for a moment, that counts. And if you drink way too much, and yet you wake up the next day and you start asking yourself better questions instead of going into this “all is lost” shame spiral, that counts as success.

That’s how long-term change is built through imperfect practice, not through flawless, perfect streaks. So, if you’ve already hit a bump in your new year resolution when it comes to drinking less, you haven’t blown it. You’ve just collected the first interesting data point in your experiment. You are allowed to keep going. You are allowed to stay in the game and I can show you how.

If you want support with that, I’ve created something for the new year specifically for people who are tired of all or nothing resolutions and shame spirals. To join us, go to RachelHart.com/January, sign up and you will get all the details of how to get started. Now, your brain might say, it’s too late, but I promise you, it really isn’t. All right, that’s it for today. I hope you’ll join me and I’ll see you next week.

Hey guys, you already know that drinking less has plenty of health benefits. But did you know that the work you do to change your relationship with alcohol will help you become more of the person you want to be in every part of your life?

Learning how to manage your brain and your cravings is an investment in your physical, emotional and personal wellbeing. And that’s exactly what’s waiting for you when you join my membership Take a Break.

Whether you want to drink less, drink rarely, or not at all, we’ll help you figure out a relationship with alcohol that works for you. We’ll show you why rules, drink plans, and Dry January so often fail, and give you the tools you need to feel in control and trust yourself.

So, head on over to RachelHart.com and sign up today, because changing the habit is so much easier when you stop trying to go it alone.