The brain associates alcohol with a treat for working hard.

Drinking can help you push through end-of-the-day tasks or signal that you can sit down and rest.

This archetype commonly appears when you feel physically or emotionally drained.

The Reward tends to show up when:

• • Putting work, family, or friends first and having little time for yourself.
  • It’s hard to disconnect from work, stop working on your to-do list, or be unproductive.
  • Evenings and weekends are more exhausting than restful.
  • Following strict diets or exercise plans that only allow alcohol on “cheat days.”
  • Using alcohol as a treat to power through tasks or tackle something you’ve been avoiding.

When The Reward is activated, saying no interferes with your desire to relax, making it hard to abstain or moderate.

“This is my me-time.”

The drink seems like a light at the end of the tunnel. But what you think is helping you feel good allows you to continue tolerating what isn’t working.

“The Reward teaches the brain that a drink is permission to stop working.”

Humans have long used alcohol’s intoxicating effects to help induce relaxation.

But when alcohol becomes your go-to way to relieve stress, it creates a rebound effect.

Here’s an example of the thoughts, feelings, and actions associated with The Reward.

Together, they create a learned behavior and influence your relationship with alcohol.

Circumstance: You feel physically or emotionally drained.

Thought: I deserve a drink.

Feeling: Desire

Action: You reach for a drink to help you relax. Notice what you’re not doing:

• You’re not normalizing physical and emotional ups and downs. The human experience is one of never-ending peaks and valleys. Failing to normalize dips in mood and energy can become a quest for constant stimulation.
• You’re not prioritizing your well-being or setting boundaries. If you’re “deserving” a drink because needs always come last, consider this: Without healthy boundaries, you’re more likely to overcommit, overwork, and say “yes” at your own expense. 
• You’re ignoring the signs you need to rest. The body was not designed to be productive every waking moment. But it’s hard to rest or enjoy your downtime if you keep telling yourself, “I haven’t done enough” or “I could be doing more.”  
• You’re not finding ways to make your life more sustainable. Whether that means doing less, letting go of unrealistic expectations, or asking for help.

Result: Short-term: alcohol helps you feel relaxed. Long-term: alcohol allows you to continue deprioritizing your needs and creates a rebound effect that increases your stress levels.

Here’s why:

• Alcohol creates a feeling of calm by binding to GABA receptors (blocking signals associated with stress, anxiety, and fear), inhibiting glutamate, and decreasing activity in the central nervous system. 
• When alcohol wears off, the brain tries to restore its original chemical balance by reducing GABA and increasing glutamate. This can increase feelings of anxiety the following day, sometimes referred to as “hangxiety” (hence the rebound effect).
• The more you use alcohol as a way to relax, the less time you spend developing sustainable coping mechanisms that don’t create this rebound effect (e.g., thought work, mindfulness, somatic practices, breathing exercises).
• Over time, you may start to believe—whether consciously or unconsciously—that alcohol is the only thing that helps you relax. If you experience chronic physical or emotional exhaustion, you are likely to drink more frequently in order to relax. 
• The more you drink, the more likely you are to develop a tolerance to alcohol. This is your brain’s attempt to maintain balance when it’s repeatedly overstimulated by a drug. 
• Once a tolerance is developed, you’ll need to drink more to produce the same effect. In other words, it takes more alcohol to replicate the good feeling you used to get from a single glass. Because of this, you may find yourself drinking more in a sitting.
• Now, you’re stuck in a catch-22. If you don’t drink, your brain is stressed that it’s not getting the reward it expects, on top of your physical and emotional exhaustion. If you try to reduce how much you drink, you’re likely unable to achieve the relaxing effect you seek.
• The brain uses both outcomes as “proof” that you need a drink to relax when, in reality, alcohol is creating a rebound effect that adds more stress to your life. 
• Meanwhile, you’ve failed to address the root cause of your physical or emotional exhaustion, aren’t setting healthy boundaries, or giving yourself permission to rest.   
• As a result, you keep believing the thought, “I deserve a drink,” which reinforces The Reward archetype. In reality, alcohol is making it easier to ignore what you truly deserve: to prioritize your needs and well-being instead of keeping them on the back burner. 

The Reward often uses stress to sabotage rules, drink plans, and Dry Januarys.

Keep in mind, not all obstacles will apply to everyone with this archetype:

• • Only once you’ve poured the drink are you officially “off the clock.”
  • After a crappy day, you lose your resolve not to drink or to limit yourself.
  • Sitting down with a drink is the only me-time you get.
  • You find it hard to stop thinking about your day and relax without a drink.
  • You cut back on alcohol in the evenings, only to replace drinking with eating.
  • You’re less annoyed doing chores or responding to work emails with a drink.
  • You truly deserve a drink after surviving bedtime struggles and homework battles.
  • You find yourself promising yourself a drink once you complete a task.
  • You follow a strict diet or exercise plan and look forward to drinking on “cheat days.”
  • Certain foods are off-limits, and drinking is your replacement treat.

The Reward’s deeper desire is enoughness.

The deeper desire is what the drink represents.

Enoughness is the security of not needing to prove yourself or “earn” people’s affection. You are worthy just as you are.

Here’s what it sounds like:

• I don’t have to do it all. 
• It’s okay to stop working and let things go undone. 
• My worthiness has nothing to do with my accomplishments, productivity, or appearance. 

When you believe you aren’t enough, the drive to prove yourself will be relentless.

You will exhaust yourself by constantly pushing to get more done and then seeking a reward for your efforts.

This is why, with The Reward, it’s essential to foster the belief that you are enough while managing cravings.

“Treats are an insufficient solution for being burned out, stretched too thin, or exhausted.”

Letting go of The Reward will make you more relaxed.

Here are some of the superpowers waiting to be unlocked:

• • Knowing you’re enough, regardless of how much you accomplish in a day.
  • Resting without feeling guilty that you should be doing more.
  • Acknowledging and celebrating all you do without diminishing or downplaying your contributions.
  • Moving through your day with lightness, even when you have a full plate.
  • Setting strong boundaries with work so it doesn’t creep into your downtime.
  • Spotting and addressing areas where you are over-extended or burned out before they snowball.
  • Enjoying the responsibilities you take on rather than feeling resentful.