It’s normal to want to reach for a drink when you’re grieving, but what if there was a more helpful way to cope with your pain?
Take a Break
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If you think taking a break from drinking is impossible for someone like you, this sommelier’s story of changing her relationship with alcohol will make you reconsider.
Learn how changing your relationship with alcohol can lead to greater intimacy, fewer inhibitions, and increased pleasure in bed.
Beating yourself up for drinking won’t help you change the habit. Discover what’s actually required in order to shift your relationship with alcohol.
Why you might be dreaming about alcohol during your break and how your dreams can shed light on the habit.
You can start to figure out why you drink more than you want to by asking this question.
When you’re focused on what other people will think about your decision to take a break from drinking, you inadvertently divert your attention from crucial information that will help you change the habit.
A simple tool you can use if you’re struggling to say no to a drink, despite promising yourself you would reign it in.
When you’re alone and bored, it’s easy to reach for a drink. Learn how to use this information to change the habit and your relationship with alcohol.
Drinking habits reside in your unconscious mind. If you want to change, you need to grab a pen and paper and start bringing full awareness to how the habit is unfolding.
You can’t change your drinking habits just by saying no. You have to understand the real reason you keep saying yes to a drink.
Learn why trying to wrestle the urge to drink into submission leads to inadvertently handing over your power to it.
The reason you’re struggling with your commitment to say no to a drink is that you’re focused on the wrong solution to changing the habit.
Learn about the role that rituals play in our lives, why it’s so uncomfortable when our holiday plans are upended, and how to survive without turning to food and drink to cope.
Discover the reason why shifting your relationship with alcohol goes hand-in-hand with changing your relationship with yourself.
The reason why feeling “fine” when you say no isn’t enough to shift your relationship with alcohol, and the missing ingredients to create lasting change.
Discover why so many people reach for a drink, something to eat, or other forms of distractions when they wait for news and why this is a problem.
When you find yourself constantly chasing after the desire to drink and feeling unsatisfied and wanting more, it’s a good sign you may be caught up in desire confusion.
To understand why you crave a drink between the end of the work day and dinner, you need to examine the changes to work, community, and nature that ushered in this ritual.
Why not trusting yourself around alcohol is a problem, no matter the decision you make about drinking.
Telling yourself you shouldn’t feel stressed, worried, or dissatisfied with life will only block your efforts to change the habit of drinking.
The three reasons why some people develop a habit around drinking while others don’t.
What to do when you take a break and discover that pouring a drink was actually helping you enjoy the people you were with.
Discover why it’s easy to start sliding backwards once you’ve made headway changing your drinking habits.
If you think saying no to a drink requires trying harder, you’ve got it backwards. Instead of relying on effort, you need to understand the inner workings of the habit.
Stop tallying up the room and start asking yourself two questions that will help you examine the habit of drinking from a new perspective.
Why sobriety milestones are a problem and the reason that crossing days off a calendar will never help you change your relationship with alcohol.
Why trying to balance just the right buzz will always leave you walking a very precarious tightrope.
If you believe that you can’t change your thoughts about drinking, then you’ll never be able to change the habit. Uncover the three biggest obstacles to creating a mindset shift around alcohol.
Do you find yourself going back and forth between drinking and not drinking, only to pick up right where you left off? If so, it’s because you haven’t done the mental work to change your drinking mindset.
Drinking too much can feel like a very lonely habit. In order to change your relationship with alcohol, you must first let go of the belief that the struggle is a part of your identity.
The solution isn’t convincing yourself that drinking is “bad” for you, it’s understanding how the habit works in your brain.
Why we believe abstinence or moderation is the only option, and how you actually have the power to change your desire without falling into these traps.
How to embrace discomfort and why seeking out purposeful discomfort will help you focus on results you want beyond the immediate moment.
How removing blame and shame are so important if you want to be curious about why you haven’t been able to create change.
How you might be engaging in a power struggle when you hold onto three thoughts, and why the real struggle isn’t between you and the alcohol.
The four most important and unexpected discoveries that you’ll experience when you apply the tools I teach here to your life and taking a break.
How my approach is radically different from other common approaches like AA.
Some of the most common excuses and reasons people give me for why their situation is different or unique, and why your brain will always try to prove that to you.
Why believing that changing habits is hard stands in your way and slows down your progress.
Why the ability to feel restless when you have the desire to drink is key in extinguishing the mental drama that comes up in those moments.
What getting curious about your thoughts means and why most people aren’t in the habit of doing this.
The four most common reasons you think you drink too much and the real reasons why.
What it means to acquire a taste for alcohol, how it works, and why, if you want to change your relationship with drinking, it’s necessary to see how you’ve learned to like it.
Key questions you can ask yourself to see if your coping mechanisms are producing results you like, so you can choose different thoughts that may serve you better if they aren’t.
Why positive thinking backfires, how to redirect your brain in a way that will help you move forward, and the true power of learning to manage your mind.
How letting go of willpower will help you find moments of peace and joy and come out stronger on the other side of this pandemic.
How to start creating emotional fluency for yourself, and how this is going to help you figure out a new way to respond and relate to your emotions.
How practicing the self-coaching model 10 times, 20 times, or even more and still not getting it, not understanding how to use it to change your results is inevitable.
How we often find excuses to not actually do the work required to change the habit.
How you can actually worry less, and in turn, reduce your desire to numb out using alcohol.
What is actually going on with the person who is pitying your situation and how to look at the way you’re showing up when you’re saying no.
Why the forgiveness you think you need to feel better is never from anyone else.
The feeling of shame, how you can have less of it in your life, and how it doesn’t work in your favor when trying to change your relationship with alcohol.
The power that lies in valuing your opinion of you first, and knowing that your inner voice is your built-in expert who knows what’s right for you.
What awkwardness really means and how it’s connected to the habit of drinking.
How the thought, “I hope this time will be different,” can seem like a good thought but it isn’t actually serving you.
Discover how cultivating curiosity can help you see your think-feel-act cycle more clearly when it comes to the habit.
Why your friendship with yourself is the most important one to cultivate, and how disempowering it can be to rely on alcohol to get you through negative emotions.
How focusing on the stories you’re telling yourself is the fastest way to create change.
How you might be blocking your growth by telling yourself stories that are not helpful, and how being stuck in the habit of drinking is wasting your most precious resource.
What it means to meet your own needs and how to start practicing it.
How to get over common obstacles you might face that diminish your own enjoyment of a party.
How not consuming the object of your desire will teach your brain to expect it less, but won’t extinguish all of your urges.
How to use the concept of the forbidden fruit to break free from desire and deprivation.
The fundamental misunderstanding of this cycle of indulgence and deprivation.
Why your potential for growth is huge when your brain tells you that you can’t succeed in a certain situation.
Why taking a break from drinking and other types of over-consuming can help us get in touch with why we’re here.
Why understanding the connection between the habit of drinking and your emotions is crucial to your success.
Why none of the reasons you believe are driving your drinking are actually true.
Why learning to manage your mind is such a better approach than relying on gritting your teeth and just getting through things.
The two outcomes shame usually creates and why neither of them are ultimately good for our health.
Why we should start thinking about how we can insure our brains and protect ourselves as best we can from cognitive decline.
Health avoidance: why we tend to do it, and the impact it has on our minds and bodies.
The stress alcohol puts on our bodies and why a break can help us glimpse what’s possible for our health.
Why our brains create drama, why it can be so exhausting, and how to reframe the “problem” of taking a break as a “project” instead.
How to identify obstacle mirages and start moving past them.
Why we have to take active steps to change our relationship to alcohol, rather than rely on society’s ideas about drinking.
How to set a resolution that you can actually keep.
How to rediscover and exercise your fun muscle without depending on what’s in your glass or on your plate.
What thoughts and feelings are tied up in the thought “I don’t want to stop drinking.”
Why you have to change your relationship with failure if you want to change your drinking.
How to bring awareness to a situation that requires you to keep a promise to yourself.
What you might gain when you’re willing to be wrong about yourself and what you can achieve.
How the idea that we can only change when we hit rock bottom keeps many of us stuck with the status quo.
What to do when you notice your thoughts trending toward the negative and dramatic.
What drama is, why we create it, and how to tell if you’re creating drama for yourself.
How to recognize when you’re in the compare and despair mindset, and how to get off this mental treadmill and start to make changes in your life.
How your brain can try to turn what I’ve taught you against you (and how to stop it).
The real reason that not sleeping is a problem (hint: probably not the reason you think it is).
How to create a take-it-or-leave-it attitude about drinking.
Why the only way out of your discomfort is through it – and how managing your mind can help you get there.
What you can gain by examining your behavior with curiosity rather than judgment.
How you can picture a future version of yourself who doesn’t have the desire to reach for a drink.
How to deal with comments from others while you’re on a break.
What message you’re sending yourself when you negate all of your efforts by telling yourself that they don’t matter.
Why so many of us are ready to commit to others but not ourselves, and how this affects your relationship with yourself.
How using alcohol to numb feelings perpetuates the cycle of avoidance and sickness of your emotional immune system.
Why we stop daring ourselves and pushing the limits of what we think is possible after childhood and how you can start adding dares back into your life.
Why the words you use matter and how being curious about why our brains do what they do can be the catalyst for big changes in your drinking and your life.
How we use relationship manuals as a way to avoid taking responsibility f*or our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Boredom, what’s “wrong” with it, and what it has to offer us.
The difference between being prepared for difficult situations and mentally living in a negative future.
How worrying what other people will think is hardwired into our brain as a survival tool.
Why beating yourself up for mistakes and missteps isn’t the way to change your habits.
Why you don’t need any more information before you start taking action.
Four questions you should ask yourself to understand what you think drinking gives you.
How you can start to talk to your inner toddler in a way that will help you move past all the negative emotions that can come up when you have to resist an urge.
How understanding the facts around the shift in your drinking habit can help you understand how the think-feel-act cycle fits in your brain’s search for an outlet for the negative emotions you were invariably feeling at the time.
A four-step response to desire that creates space between feeling an urge and acting upon it.
Why so many of us are terrified of who we are without alcohol.
How drinking cuts off our emotional experience before the emotions can naturally dissipate.
Why it’s so hard to dream, why it can be so difficult to create a vision, and why the habit of drinking will make it even harder.
Why so many of us are still dissatisfied even when we get what we think we want.
I’m combing through the archives of the past 99 episodes and pulling out some of the most important concepts and lessons from each episode.
How to uncover the thoughts and feelings that are driving your habit, even if you swear you’re not deciding to overdrink.
Why changing requires you to show up every single day and commit to taking action.
The Turnaround technique and how it can be used to challenge six common thoughts about drinking.
Why the key to change is focusing on the process of handling obstacles over and over again.
Why the key to change is focusing on the process of handling obstacles over and over again.
Why your brain wants proof that you can succeed before you take any action and how to create evidence for your brain that you are capable of shifting your desire.
Why countering your brain’s confirmation bias that you’re a quitter is incredibly important for changing your habits.
Why uncovering the real you can be so uncomfortable and confrontational and how shifting your thoughts away from just your actions can have a tremendous impact on your journey of taking a break.
Why anxiety is not a problem and how shifting your relationship makes all the difference.
Why we numb, how to tell when you’re using a numbing action to avoid facing your negative thoughts and emotions, and why awareness is key.
How you can build the skill of motivation by taking action every day.
How being attached to a story about who you are and a story about your personality actually prevents you from knowing yourself, from growing, and most importantly, from changing the habits that you want to change.
Why you believe that you want to be normal but you really don’t.
Why we judge other people harshly – and what that means about your thoughts about yourself.
Find out how making a small change to your thinking about being perfect all of the time can help you on your journey of changing your drinking.
How to handle the situations where someone is trying to persuade you to drink to help you feel empowered rather than pressured.
How using certain kinds of language when we don’t do as we planned impacts meaningful growth and how a subtle shift can make all the difference when you’re trying to change your drinking.
The real reasons why you might be having an issue with socializing without alcohol and how regular practice can make this process easier and more enjoyable.
How to stop your impulses from running your day and manage them as they arise to achieve your goals and build a better relationship with yourself in the process.
The tools that I taught myself when it came to changing my habit of drinking.
What good emotional health is all about (and this may actually surprise you) and what gets in the way of achieving it.
How to identify those permission-giving thoughts, call them out for what they are, and teach your brain that you’re the one that has the ultimate authority over the decisions you make.
Why we as human beings need markers and transitions in our everyday life and how using alcohol as a marker can get in the way when you want to change your habit of drinking.
Why your to-do lists may not be as helpful as you think and how they can actually work against you.
Go from the thoughts that you’ve possibly been thinking your entire life to thoughts that serve you on your journey of changing your drinking habits.
Why your desire for alcohol is so strong and how to completely lose that desire.
Why your enthusiasm starts to fade once you take action and why it’s absolutely normal.
Discover how to break the cycle of not taking action, save yourself a lot of lost time, and create sustainable change in your life.
Shake free of the stories that you’re telling yourself that are creating negative results for you right now.
The important distinction between cues and triggers and which word is more suitable in a particular situation.
If you’re going to change your drinking, you’ll need to disprove thoughts holding you back.
People-pleasing, the toll takes on you, and how it can get in the way of taking a break from drinking.
If taking a break from drinking leaves you feeling like you’re sitting at the kids’ table, it’s time to look at your beliefs around alcohol and what makes things fancy or sophisticated.
Become an observer of your thoughts and emotions and begin changing them to help you take a break from drinking in a sustainable way.
Many people know that their drinking habit is creating negative results in their life, but they can’t bring themselves to sit down and write out any of the exercises I teach because they’ve fallen into the trap of believing that putting something on paper makes it “real.”
Saying no to a drink is easy; the real challenge lies in dealing with the discomfort of an unanswered urge.
Explore the ins and outs of the “in-between” time: the place where you’re shedding one identity and beginning to create a new one. Why you need to learn how to navigate it, and how you can get started.
Learn why feeling pity for others isn’t helpful, the reason no one likes being pitied, and why it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself when it comes to your drinking.
Your body is telling you a story right now about your drinking. The question is: Are you listening?
The reason we are constantly in search of a reward when something good happens and the potential downsides of always augmenting positive emotions with food and alcohol.
This week on the Take a Break podcast, I’m discussing permission-giving thoughts, how they fuel the habit of drinking, and the most common one, “I deserve it.”
Past results are never an indicator of future success. If you keep looking backwards for evidence that you can’t change your drinking, you will never be able to change the habit.
This week, we look at why you’re really not enjoying yourself when you don’t have a drink in your hand.
Your opinion of you should be your number one priority. When you focus on what others think, it will keep you stuck and unable to change the habits that aren’t serving you.
Discover an alternative to the common belief that we should remove all alcohol from our environment to successfully take a break from drinking.
Most people are conditioned to talk about overdrinking solely through the labels “alcoholic,” “sober,” or “recovered.” These labels don’t capture the varying degrees of struggle or the nature of how habits work. Listen to the benefits of describing the habit rather than labeling the person when it comes to changing your drinking.
Find out why you’re still not taking action when it comes to changing your drinking.
Why it helps to have a compelling reason if you want to take a break, how to find one, and how to avoid the most common pitfalls and misconceptions when using a compelling reason to motivate change.
Why alcohol and food are NOT your friends and how that thinking is holding you back from creating meaningful change in your life.
Why you’re actually moving backward if you’re not growing and how changing your view of discomfort will not only set you up to have an entirely different year but how it can set you up to have an entirely different life.
Tune in to find out why you should consider not settling when it comes to your health and see how much better you may feel after taking a break.
Learn how questions can keep you stuck and how asking yourself better questions can help change your habits.
Where your rebellion around drinking comes from and why it’s crucial to understand its origins when trying to take a break.
A deep dive into the Think Feel Act Cycle and a look at how to use this tool to transform your life.
When you want to change a habit you must pay attention to the language you use to describe your feelings, especially your desire.
Learn how to have a different holiday season this year without a drink in your hand.
Discover how paying attention to the subtle emotions that you’re experiencing throughout your day can help you reduce your urge to drink.
No one ever teaches us how to celebrate ourselves but it’s an incredibly powerful skill. Tune in to learn how.
Discover why you really dislike spending time alone, and how developing this skill can help you change your drinking.
Learn about the unexpected downside of being “blessed” and how this idea can actually backfire when it comes to changing your drinking.
What you might discover if you take a break from drinking.
It’s easy to assume that certain relationships will make it difficult for you to change your drinking, but there’s a simple reason why that’s never the case.
The simple reason behind why your brain thinks changing habits is too much work, and how to overcome it.
Six things you shouldn’t do if you want to take a break from drinking, unless you want to end up exactly where you started.
Learn how labeling alcohol as positive or negative can affect how you see yourself when you’re trying to change the habit.
Humans are built for connection but if you’re not careful you might unknowingly teach your brain to outsource this skill to a drink.
Learn how your opposition to waste and certain visual cues can disconnect you from your internal understanding of when your body is truly satisfied.
An in-depth look at how the habit cycle works and how to harness it in order to change your desire.
Why you’re so afraid to look at what isn’t working and why it’s impossible to change course if you’re hiding.
Why you absolutely must stop avoiding negative emotions if you want to use the Think, Feel, Act Cycle as a tool for changing your drinking.
There’s an easy way to stop beating yourself up (and no, it’s not practicing more kindness and love).
Why you continuously need “something” to lessen the stress and anxiety you feel at the end of the day, and the reason pouring a drink to take the edge off isn’t sustainable.
If you’ve ever wondered why you sometimes feel at odds with yourself when it comes to having a drink, you’ll want to check out this episode.
Learn what happens when you escalate discomfort into chaos, and how it can get in the way of changing of your drinking.
Discover the difference between creating and consuming fun, how shifting from consuming to creating is necessary if you want to take a break from drinking and become a more interesting person in the process.
How two thoughts, “I’m no fun when I don’t drink” and “This event will be unbearable without booze,” are keeping you stuck, and how to stop outsourcing the perception of fun to alcohol.
What happens to your brain when you think, “What if I fail?” and why you need to learn to deal with this thought.
Discover a simple, yet powerful process of uncovering your compelling reason to change your drinking.
How a single thought can hold you back and keep you stuck in the never-ending cycle of feeling miserable, powerless, and probably pouring yourself a drink to escape.
Learn what creates your results in life, and how easy it can be to get into a pattern of turning to a drink (or other distractions) to feel better when you don’t like what you see.
How to understand your actions and why you do the things that you do in your life.
Learn how your emotions differ from your thoughts and why this distinction is crucial to figuring out the reason why you drink more than you want.
The think, feel, act cycle affects everything we do. In order to understand how to use it to change your drinking and reduce your desire, you must first understand the role of your thoughts.
Changing your drinking does take effort, but there’s a huge (unexpected) benefit waiting for you on the other side.
What really happens when you “fall off the wagon” and why this phrase can undermine your commitment to change your drinking.
Why it’s important to question your thoughts, the ones that you hold on to as the “truth,” to determine whether or not they are holding you back from achieving your goals.
Discover how you can get the complete picture surrounding your drinking and gain a new perspective beneficial to positive change.
Listen in as I explain why so many of us use pouring a drink to hide from perfectionism and people pleasing and why it’s so difficult to cut back.
What deprivation is all about, what creates it, and why you don’t have to constantly tell yourself, “I’m just going to have to live with this for the rest of my life”
The sticking points of cutting back when we focus on the past and what we can do to “change our past.”
Why it’s so important to examine how alcohol is helping us in our daily lives and how we use it to “solve” our problems quickly and easily.
In this episode, we’re delving deeper into the desire to drink and talking about urges – what they are and how to best handle them.
When most people decide to take a break from drinking they look forward to waking up clear headed but worry that they’re signing up for new form of suffering: always missing out.
Are you endlessly agonizing about what to do about your drinking? Here are the four main reasons you’re stuck in indecision.
If you take a break from drinking, you might be worried about how to handle people’s questions. Here’s why you don’t need the perfect answer.
Find out what confidence really is and why it’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we need a drink to feel more self-assured and at ease in social situations.
Join me today as I explore why we use alcohol to unwind and what we’re teaching our brain when we do.
Learn why using willpower to try to drink less is not the answer and why it’s easy to get caught in the desire-resist cycle.
Welcome to the very first episode of Take a Break from Drinking. This podcast is for you if you are looking to slow down, or even quit, drinking but don’t know how.